i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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