im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
