Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
