Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
