This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
