You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
