literally had 100 drinks last night.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
