Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
