just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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