i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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