So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
