I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
