So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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