and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
