Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
