at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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