i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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