im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
