My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
