Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
foreskin is a definite game changer
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
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