From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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