I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
