I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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