if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
