Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
