Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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