i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
