how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
