I want to stick my p in your. b.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
