I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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