Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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