Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
