Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
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