absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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