I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
