i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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