I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
