Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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