I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
