Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
