I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
