You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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