dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
When did angry sex become our thing?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize