If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
