My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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