did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
