actually, I'm a sock model
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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