if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
