i need an iv and a liver transplant
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We need to get me chipped asap
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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