woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
