She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
