i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We need to rekindle our bromance
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
