I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think I sprained my soul last night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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