Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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