Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
