that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
