She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
