I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
