So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
