Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
