I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
