I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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