For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
