There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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