just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
