it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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