No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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