I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think I sprained my soul last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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