jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
