I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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