it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize