you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
