as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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