you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
