Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
