Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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