Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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