Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
