On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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