idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize