I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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