worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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