All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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