I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
