i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
