I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
