Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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