wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
