I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
