At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
