You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
