I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
