I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
