If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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