I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
