I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
