For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
