porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
