Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
