I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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