since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize