he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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