tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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