My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
