just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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