I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
