We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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