I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
